FREEDOM OF CHOICE
By: Tyeshia Alston
 

FREEDOM OF CHOICE BY: Tyeshia Alston What should one say about the AIDS epidemic in America “the land of the free”? Many people’s lives are being torn by this virus day by day, especially since it has become a silent pandemic among African American females. Now, why is it that the gay white men can stand and voice their sexuality and voice out loud their HIV status and gain sympathy by the world but our black men are silent about their sexuality and their HIV status? Everything must remain on the down low. Well, it is time out for the down low syndrome in the African American community because it is killing our people. If our men (black men) have a desire to be with another man then that should be his choice and it should be between him and God. Whatever choice that he chooses to make the end result should only have an effect only on him and not others. Do not take our right of freedom of choice from us (black women) by keeping it on the down low and exposing us to a world that we do not belong or do not want be involved in. On the other hand, there may be someone who can deal with the bi-sexual lifestyle of their mate and are willing to except it. However, it should be their choice. Do not make the choice for them by forcing your way of life on someone else.

Everyone wants to be trusted, especially when they are involved in a relationship. Nevertheless, how can someone trust anyone who does not openly express the truth to the individual that he/she are with? Now “trust” is beyond race or cultural. It is a desire that is among all mankind. Rather it is a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, a relationship between parent and child “trust” is expected to be the key ingredient in the relationship. Even if it is a one night stand, because each individual has agreed to have sex with no strings attached and they are going to “trust” each other to adhere to their end of the agreement.

However, there comes a time when one must draw the line between trust and responsibility. Each person must first have faith, trust and love for their self to take care of themselves and be responsible for their own life. We must STOP placing our lives in another person’s hands expecting that they are always honest and open with us. Due to the fact that we (women) have placed our lives in someone’s hands other than ourselves then there is no room to point a finger to blame someone else. The blame is on us. Life is too short and we only have one life to live and no time to waist on immature relationships or to anticipate that a person is always 100% honest with you when he/she is not 100% honest with themselves and what they want.

Games are limited and should be distinguished when it is time to play a game and when it is not time to play games. For some reason, sex has become a game. Which is not understandable because as a woman our virtue and integrity is very important, once you lose that than what…? It is very hard to get it back… if you can.

Now, I am not a relationship expert, however, I do believe that it is highly important to be in a relationship to where you are intellectual compatible because at that point you can communicate more effectively with one another. This brings me to my next point.

Communication is another ingredient in a relationship. If you can not communicate with one another than how can you be honest with each other? Communication and honesty builds trust. When you are communicating with someone you can listen to what he/she is saying and, you can listen to what he/she is not saying.

If you are able to communicate with your partner than you can express to them how you feel, you can express to them how important it is to you to practice safe sex. Being vocal about your feelings can open the doors for you to negotiate the use of condoms to protect not only you from any STD’s including the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) but you can also protect the person that you are involved with.


To be honest, there should not be any alcohol or drugs present when sex is involved. You should always have a stable mind set when planning to have sex so that you can have more control in what is about to take place. A person who is high or intoxicated is less likely to think about or use protection verses someone who is sober.

For example, take a person who always uses protection and practices safe sex but, when he/she gets high or drunk they may not use a condom and probably engage in high risk behaviors. Now, how do you think that person will feel if he/she only did this one time and now have the HIV virus or another STD?

Again, I am not an expert in any way but someone needs to address this madness because too many people are being diagnosed daily with the HIV virus. Currently, there are 40,000 newly reported HIV diagnoses yearly in the United States. Approximately, 25% of the United States population are infected with the HIV virus and do not know that they are infected. Over 65% of new cases are among African American women and there is a very high case among people between the ages of 15 and 24. The tragic thing is that HIV is extremely high among African Americans. African Americans make up the majority of HIV cases when they only make up 12% of the United States population.

Looking at these numbers, it is time out for people keeping this silent? Remaining silent and not telling anyone of their status. I’m not saying to broadcast it to everyone, because I don’t. You still have a right to confidentiality. However, if you are going to be involved with someone in a way that you can put that person’s life at risk than they should know. They have a right to make a choice to continue to participate in the relationship. Again, I say do not force your way of living on someone else. Everyone has a right to freely choose their own destination.

As an African American female, I will say that these numbers are very vigilant and heartbreaking and should cause our people to stop thinking and saying “it will never happen to me”.

Trust me when I say that it can happen to you. I said those exact words, but in April of 2005 my ears had to hear a doctor say “your HIV test results came back positive. I am sorry to say that you are HIV positive.” Even though I thought that it would never happen to me because I didn’t live a promiscuous lifestyle; the end result was that it did happen and my heart had to receive and accept such devastating news that I was not prepared for. I had no knowledge at all about HIV/AIDS. All I knew is what others had told me, in which it all turned out to be a myth and I wanted to die. Since, I have been educated about the HIV virus I am living well with HIV (it is other health issues that I have to worry about). This is why we must strive to obtain knowledge about things that we do not know. Do your research or call in an expert. Do whatever it takes to get informed.

I am tired of our people ranking number one on a lot of chronic diseases (i.e. diabetes, heart disease, etc.) mainly because we say to ourselves… “The doctor’s don’t know what they are talking about. My grandparents and great grandparents did it and nothing happen to them so, it wont happen to me.” Guess what, grandmother may have died from a massive heart attack and granddaddy from a stroke. A lot of the time we try to keep things as a family secret. I remember when I told my grandmother that I was positive her heart was broken but she said in a soft voice “that is what your cousin (I won’t say his name) died from… AIDS! She said it in such a way that it seemed to me that she was reflecting on the memory of his life and as if she was standing right in the room with him watching the austerity of his death. That was a BIG shocker because I remember the visual picture of him lying in the bed in the 80’s with sores, moaning and groaning, twisting and turning and tiny as can be, but no one ever told us that it was AIDS related complications that took his life.

People are practicing in high risk behaviors (even children) but are living in fear and shame because of the mistake(s) they may have made. This is so unfair to them. Unfair to the mother who is afraid to tell her children of her HIV status fearing that they will no longer love her. Also, this is unfair to the child (or children) to watch their mother or father (if not both of them) to die by an HIV opportunistic infection(s). Nevertheless, since no one in the family wants them to know what their mother or father died from, they will say to the child it was cancer or another illness that caused their death. No one should die alone, in secret or at a premature age. In my opinion, one of the saddest things is that they do this because they believe they are protecting the child. On the other hand, later on in life they watch the child grow up and live promiscuously (just like the child’s parent(s) did before dying) and won’t say a word. So, who are they really protecting? This is why we must strive to break the stigma about the HIV virus and make every effort to bring to the forefront the genuine truth about this virus.

It is time-out from running from the words “HIV/AIDS” and it is time for everyone to join the fight against HIV/AIDS. Get Involved! Get! Educated! Get Tested! And take time out to educate someone else. There are many HIV/AIDS organizations in your county that are always in need of volunteers. You can contact them and ask how you can volunteer your service and time to help make a difference in your community.

Set Apart Aiming Victoriously to Eliminate Diseases (SAAVED) is a newly organized HIV/AIDS organization that is going all-out to help stop the spreading of this virus by providing HIV/AIDS education and free HIV testing. We believe that “Education is prevention”. SAAVED’s motto is “Changing lives by educating people one person at a time.” I know for a fact that this organization is willing to come out to your event (church, school, parole office etc.) to educate people (especially youth and young adults) about HIV/AIDS. If you would like to obtain knowledge on your own, than do so. I’ll refer you to visit www.cdc.gov and www.thebody.org. These are two great resources for HIV/AIDS.

In August of this year SAAVED hosted its 2nd Annual Black and White Ball (sponsored by Recovery First Community Development Center, Gilead Pharmaceuticals, The Dallas Examiner and Elite News) to help raise awareness about this disease. They are launching their “Many Voices” program, which will focus on educating people about HIV/AIDS and other STD’s through theatrical work and may be in need of your help.

Currently, they are seeking spoken word artists, steppers, actors/actresses etc. for this program. One of their main focus is working with the youth but adults are welcomed.

If you are interested in joining this dynamic program please feel free to contact them by going to the website at www.saaved.org or by calling them at (972) 835-2625 (I strongly suggest that you leave a message on the phone and someone will call you back).

If you are interested, please keep in mind that this is going to be fun and a great opportunity, traveling will be involved. Commitment and dedication is required along with hard work and a lot of practice which will require you to have discipline.

No one person has all the answers, it is imperative that we take the time to empower ourselves about the things that really matter so that we can empower someone else. Someone in this world is depending on your knowledge, depending on your strength and depending on your voice to speak out for them. So, speak and shout out loud all around the world that we must come together in unity to fight against HIV/AIDS.


Tyeshia Alston